Ahoy there mateys! Give us some treats or ye’ll be made to walk the plank! Likewise if you don’t concede that I’m the most adorable little furry pirate what’s ever sailed the seven seas. Who needs Johnny Depp when you can have me asleep in your lap?
I don’t know what kind of animal this Pikachu character is supposed to be, but Mommy squealed like a little girl when she first put the costume on me. I see myself as more of a Transformers kind of dog, but if this makes Mommy happy…
Never mind the heart – if I only had a brain! Just think of all the things that I could do! In the meantime, I’ll be your faithful companion along the Yellow Brick Road, barking at winged monkeys and chasing off that wicked witch. And as for those mean ol’ trees…?
I know, I know – you’re thinking “Isn’t he just cute enough to eat!” Try it and you’ll get more than just a bark from this little hot dog! Same goes for anyone trying to squirt mustard or ketchup on me. And as for relish, geesh, how can you people eat that stuff!?
Ahoy there mateys! Give us some treats or ye’ll be made to walk the plank! Likewise if you don’t concede that I’m the most adorable little furry pirate what’s ever sailed the seven seas. Who needs Johnny Depp when you can have me asleep in your lap?
What? You’re making me wear a prison uniform now? Oh, this is just for Halloween is it? You do see the irony of it though? Keeping me locked up in here watching reality TV with you when I could be out there enjoying the fresh air, chasing cats, digging up the flowers…
Blessed are the beasts of the field. And blessed also are the owners who reward their pets with copious treats – so saith the good book. No, really it does! Would I lie dressed like this? Who you calling “holy terror”?
Who you calling a dinosaur? I may be an old dog but this is going too far! And while we’re talking Jurassic Park, you’re not my idea of Chris Pratt, that’s for sure! And anyway, I see myself as more of a Tyrannosaurus Rex kind of dog.
Yes, I’m sweet. But a Tootsie Roll? I’m a dog for pete’s sake! And what if there’s a mixup and you hand me out to the trick-or-treaters instead of the real candy? And don't even think of calling me “Toots”!
Make up your mind already! You’re always telling me to stop biting and then you go and dress me up as a shark? Talk about sending mixed messages! And don’t get any ideas about tossing me in the pool! You know how I hate bathtime!
This is more like it! You’re finally acknowledging my suave sophistication. Now I’m ready for a night out on the town in style! And it comes with both a red and a black bowtie? I’ll be the most stylish pet at the party in this get-up! Now about your outfit…
G’day Mate. The only critter anywhere near as cute as me is a Koala. Put the two of us together and what do you get? A big ball of antipodean adorableness! Just don’t try to fob me off with eucalyptus leaves! For wearing this I’m expecting the good treats!
Sugar and spice and all things nice! That’s me. Except that time that you left me alone and I chewed up your collection of Pokemon cards. And left that present for you on the landing. But that was an accident, I swear! Hey! Look at me, aren’t I cute enough to eat!
I’m adorable, hear me ROAR! Why has it taken you so long to finally acknowledge my regal ferocity? Don’t think I’m going to start answering to “Simba”, though. And could you please stop singing “Hakuna Matata” – a mane like this demands proper respect!
How many times have I tried to tell you – diamonds are a dog’s best friend! And this is what you get me instead?! A Marilyn Monroe outfit? Don’t tell me, there’s a doggy version of RuPaul’s Drag Race that you’re thinking of entering me in?
This is more like it! You’re finally recognizing my athletic prowess. Wait a minute – I’m the horse? Well, I suppose this beats that time your nephew tried to ride me around the house and you thought it was a photo op rather than a punishable offense!
I hope this means you’re planning on taking me to Hawaii for the holidays. Or outer space. Or Disney World. No? Quarantine? Never heard of it. Is it one of the more exclusive outer islands I’ve seen on the Travel Network? Maui is getting a little tired. Wait, is this a trick?
When you said you were dressing me as Raphael, I expected something different. I guess that was too much to expect from someone who thinks applying an instragram filter makes them an artist. Did I mention that I see myself as more of a Transformers kind of dog?
Hey this isn’t a costume – it’s practically a muzzle! And in pink? Really?! You do realize that there are such things as animal cruelty laws! Still I guess it’s not as embarrassing as that Xmas sweater. Or thta Trump outfit you had me in last year…
You spend all your time calling me a devil dog and then you dress me as an angel? Is this supposed to be ironic? Still, if you won’t get me a devil costume, this one isn’t so bad – wings and even a halo. Just don’t expect me to watch All Dogs Go To Heaven with you again!
Is this some sort of comment on my scent? I’ll have you know that for a dog I smell quite nicely, thank you! And anyway, it’s your responsibility to wash me – if you wanted a pet who cleans himself, you should have gotten yourself a cat!
Why don’t I make you an offer you can’t refuse – you give me all the treats I want, and I stop chewing on your shoes. And the sofa. And your Pokemon cards. And your nephew. And that boyfriend of yours who thinks I don’t know what Netflix and chill means…
I’ll be the most popular pup with the neighborhood ladies in this get-up! What do you mean I look more like a Las Vegas showgirl than an attack dog? What’s wrong with feathers? Well I think they’re very masculine, thank you very much!
You scream every time you see a spider in the bathroom and yet you go and dress me up as one? So now you have a giant furry spider roaming through the house and crawling up on you. I’m no psychiatrist but I really think you might have some deep-seated issues…
Tall, skinny latté coming up. Would you like an extra shot with that? Can I get your name with that order? The wi-fi code? B-O-W-W-O-W – all in caps. See what a good barista I’d make? Now if only I could get my paws to grip that cup I’d be able to earn some real tips!
Look at me, I’m a banana! How funny is that? What did the bored banana say to her friend? Let’s split! Why are bananas never lonely? Because they always hang around in bunches! I got a million of these – when did you say this party was?
Er, it’s Halloween not Cinco de Mayo. And I’m not a chihuahua! Wait a minute, don’t tell me, your hipster friend is throwing a costume party and the theme is “food truck” cuisine? Still, I guess it could be worse – you could make me go as a lobster roll. Or mac and cheese!
You want to go to Jamaica? Have you seen the way I sweat and pant in the summer heat here? Beaches, you say? Not for this little bulldog – I don’t know even how to swim. You go to Jamaica. Meanwhile I’ll take your Bob Marley records and move to Colorado and chill!
Ok, now it’s official – you’ve been watching too much Game of Thrones! I wouldn’t mind it so much if they showed those wolves a little more and if the humans quit taking their clothes off all the time – eww! And while we’re on the subject of naked humans…
When I was a pup I always wanted to be a police dog. What a life – chasing criminals, sniffing people’s luggage, barking at bad guys! And getting to wear that snazzy uniform while saving the world like on TV. Wait, what do you mean Paw Patrol isn’t reality TV?
